I can do this again. I can. It's no longer overwhelming. No longer a weight pressing down on me. I can garden again. MS has changed my life unrecognisably. It's took away so many things, it's took away so many of the choices I once had. Don't get me wrong, it's given me things too, time, an understanding that my health should be a priority. It's given me this blog too, this community. I would never have had time to blog before MS. So it's not all negative...there are the positives in there too.
A couple of years ago MS threatened to take away my ability to garden. That was scary, well it is for someone who loves her garden. My garden is my sanctuary. When I went out into the garden, my heart would sink. I would look at the weeds, the untamed shrubs, the uncut grass, it made me feel so sad. My beautiful garden, that I loved so much, felt like a huge burden. A constant reminder of what I couldn't do anymore. Salt in the wound, so to speak.
It feels very indulgent spending my little pension pot on my garden. We need other things, what family doesn't? Indulgent perhaps, but essential too. Essential to my health, both physical and mental. I'm certainly being more active, and it's enabled me to feel positive about my future too. I can do this, I'm thinking...I can still do this.
The Half-Hour Allotment by Lia Leendertz, has also been pivotal in enabling me to feel I CAN garden again. Yes there's been the physical changes made, but my mental approach to gardening has changed too. I no longer think of my garden in terms of a whole space, but small manageable chunks. Half hour chunks, little chunks. Even on those bad days, I might still just be able to achieve a small task. This book is a must for those who are time, or like me, energy poor.
I now set myself small attainable tasks, prioritising what needs to be done. I've put lots of little rest areas around the garden too, I can just sit if I need too, my bottom is never that far from a chair! I've still got things I want to get done, but these can all be done one small step at a time. It's been expensive, but has it been worth it? Yes every penny...it's given me back some hope, and positivity, and for me that's priceless.
Over on Instagram I've changed my name to Happy Little Plot. This little plot of mine, with it's kitchen garden, it's beautiful studio, and easy peasey flowerbeds is making me very happy. And maybe, if I can workout how to change my blog name, I'll change that too, who knows. Happy Little Plot reflects WHO I am, and WHERE I am right here, right now. Vintage sheets and colourful yarn will always make me smile, but there's a spiritual calm I get from being in the garden. It strengthens my body, calms my soul, connects me to nature, and reminds me of my past...it's in my genes. I'm very happy in my little plot.
Amanda :) xxx
Stitches are coming out soon!
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What a beautiful and uplifting piece of writing. It's so very important to care for ourselves completely, sometimes that means changing the way we do things or think about things. I think your garden looks lovely, a beautiful space to be in.
ReplyDeletecheers Kate
I think that's the key Kate, to care about yourselves but investing in the things you love...in the long run everyone benefits! ;) xxx
Deleteyour garden is certainly coming along beautifully now and liking that you have the chairs dotted about so you can rest as and when you need to, good girl, such a potitive attitude you have and I am sure that is helping your MS too
ReplyDeleteActivity and then rest...keeping that balance is the way to go :) xxx
DeleteWhat a lovely post, and how beautiful your garden is looking. It's definitely money well spent, I'm always reading about the health-giving benefits of gardening. It is almost mystical how it improves not just physical but mental wellbeing, no-one really understands exactly how it all works, but there are far more benefits than the obvious ones I think. A great idea to have plenty of places to sit and enjoy it. And no doubt you will find yourself getting up to tweak things here and there. I've read that book cover to cover and really took a lot from it as well. I find if I keep doing little jobs, just a bit here and there, it really mounts up. I love the new name you propose, it's a great idea. I'm wishing you a very happy summer of gardening. CJ xx
ReplyDeleteHi CJ, yes it's a great book, little and often makes everything much more achievable, less likely to give up too! You are so right, I sit down and mentally make little lists of what needs doing, I'm trying to be very disciplined and not keep getting up! :) xx
DeleteGardening is the most wonderful therapy ever. That combination of connecting with the earth, seeing fruits (literally, sometimes!) from your labour and just moving around is a total winner. Investment well spent.
ReplyDeleteIt's lovely to be able to eat produce straight from the garden, can't believe it took me so many years to start browning veg! :) xxx
DeleteA lovely post filled with inspiration. Thank you. I'm sure both you and Otto will be glad to see the last of the cone!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jan, cone off today, he won't know what to do with himself! Back of my legs will be pleased too, those cones aren't half sharp ;) xxx
DeleteMorning Amanda, have you ever seen a grief cycle? (For you it would be your mobility) I feel you are coming through one of those losses. The garden looks lovely and yes needs tending but you can also take a half hour sitting in it and enjoying it which will renew you hugely. Do take care.
ReplyDeleteMorning Alison, I think I've grieved a lot over the last few years, some things have been very difficult to let go of, in fact I think that perhaps I have but then something happens and I've realised I haven't quite let go. Mobility is a big one because it takes away so many choices, but I feel very lucky because I can still walk, might not be long distances but if I'm sensible and plan what I'm doing I can manage well enough. I would love to do a long, brisk walk, I used to be like a bullet! I'm very pragmatic though and understand life itself brings loses, you really do just need to get on with life, we only have one and I don't want to waste it wallowing! ;) xxx
DeleteGardening is my sanctuary too and such an important part of my life. Sarah x
ReplyDeleteI think there are a lot of us that feel the same Sarah! :) xxx
DeleteHow wonderful that gardening makes you feel this way Amanda! I find the amount of time gardening takes up overwhelming at this time of year (and not just gardening, but maintenance like weeding and sweeping the paths around the house, the drive, cutting the grass, trimming the hedges...) but if I saw it in terms of half hour chunks then maybe it would all look a lot more manageable. As with everything it's all in the mental attitude. :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Gillian, I think I might need to adopt this approach to inside the house now...I'm a little overwhelmed bu all the mess and dust everywhere! ;) xxx
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