Thank you all so much for your comments on my last post. I was feeling a little sad when I wrote it. I try not to get sad very often, but sometimes I do....when I think too much.
My Mum is an integral part of me, she's an integral part of this blog, I wrote about how I feel about her Alzheimer's here, if you're interested. My Mum would have loved to read this blog. In fact, I think she may of had one of her own!!! She would have had lots to show and share!
I've had lots of emails since I started to write about Mum, loads of support, people going through the same thing. People asking me how I cope. Now that's a very individual thing isn't it, coping.
I'm open about her, how I feel about her, how much it can hurt to see only a shadow of herself, the very slightest reflection of who she was. One thing I find extremely hard is to THINK about her. I can't bring myself to think and remember how she was, just a few short years ago.
Childhood memories are fine, love those....could talk about those all day! Remembering when Dad was alive, Christmases together, holidays, special occasions fab, fab, fab! Yep, don't mind them one bit! But the memories of our lunches together, remembering what a great Grandma she was, just can't do it....so I don't! But I know one day I will be able too, one day it won't be as painful.
So for now I just get on with life, I visit her every other day, take her some chocolate, hold her hand, kiss her lots. Look into those eyes, searching for her.
I remember the day I realised she didn't recognise me anymore as a child, I was showing her an old photo album, she said the little girl in the photo looked nice, it was like someone had stabbed me in the heart.
Now she doesn't know who I am, when I remind her I'm her daughter she looks at me, puzzled. But you know something there is still love in her eyes. She knows she loves me, that bit comes from very, very deep in her. I hope that bit never goes.
So I get on with life, just like the millions of others who are affected by this cruel illness. I still dream about her, and Dad, when we were all together.
Perhaps the 'dreamcatcher' from the lovely Meme Rose, will catch them for me, and keep them safe! Thank you so much Sweetheart, your parcel is just delicious, I love everything in it so much!
I LOVE opening parcels, especially when they contain such goodies! I made the mistake of opening it with my daughters (wont do that again!), Eldest Bea pleaded for the dream catcher, reminding me how I'd broken hers.....well couldn't say no to that one! Then of course Little Bea had to choose, I don't mind really, if it gets them to appreciate the 'crafts'....
They were also suitably impressed she had been featured in this months Simply Crochet! They have something made by someone 'famous'! Kids, you've got to love them!
Thank you Meme Rose, I now have more 'street cred' with them, you know, due to the fact I know 'famous' people!!! (Actually I say more, I've never had any!)
Right....I'll be back soon....more upbeat next time I promise! I'm thinking wallpaper collection....better crack on and take some photos....lots to see!
Bye for now,
Amanda, very proud daughter of Dorothy, who by the way is still a lovely, lovely Mum.
(Ada will be back next time! Xxx)