I can do this again. I can. It's no longer overwhelming. No longer a weight pressing down on me. I can garden again. MS has changed my life unrecognisably. It's took away so many things, it's took away so many of the choices I once had. Don't get me wrong, it's given me things too, time, an understanding that my health should be a priority. It's given me this blog too, this community. I would never have had time to blog before MS. So it's not all negative...there are the positives in there too.
A couple of years ago MS threatened to take away my ability to garden. That was scary, well it is for someone who loves her garden. My garden is my sanctuary. When I went out into the garden, my heart would sink. I would look at the weeds, the untamed shrubs, the uncut grass, it made me feel so sad. My beautiful garden, that I loved so much, felt like a huge burden. A constant reminder of what I couldn't do anymore. Salt in the wound, so to speak.
It feels very indulgent spending my little pension pot on my garden. We need other things, what family doesn't? Indulgent perhaps, but essential too. Essential to my health, both physical and mental. I'm certainly being more active, and it's enabled me to feel positive about my future too. I can do this, I'm thinking...I can still do this.
The Half-Hour Allotment by Lia Leendertz, has also been pivotal in enabling me to feel I CAN garden again. Yes there's been the physical changes made, but my mental approach to gardening has changed too. I no longer think of my garden in terms of a whole space, but small manageable chunks. Half hour chunks, little chunks. Even on those bad days, I might still just be able to achieve a small task. This book is a must for those who are time, or like me, energy poor.
I now set myself small attainable tasks, prioritising what needs to be done. I've put lots of little rest areas around the garden too, I can just sit if I need too, my bottom is never that far from a chair! I've still got things I want to get done, but these can all be done one small step at a time. It's been expensive, but has it been worth it? Yes every penny...it's given me back some hope, and positivity, and for me that's priceless.
Over on Instagram I've changed my name to Happy Little Plot. This little plot of mine, with it's kitchen garden, it's beautiful studio, and easy peasey flowerbeds is making me very happy. And maybe, if I can workout how to change my blog name, I'll change that too, who knows. Happy Little Plot reflects WHO I am, and WHERE I am right here, right now. Vintage sheets and colourful yarn will always make me smile, but there's a spiritual calm I get from being in the garden. It strengthens my body, calms my soul, connects me to nature, and reminds me of my past...it's in my genes. I'm very happy in my little plot.
Amanda :) xxx
Stitches are coming out soon!