Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Loving Mum......

 

 
 
 
This weekend, here in the UK we celebrate Mothers Day. Up and down the country children will be getting excited, waiting to see their mothers reaction to the gift they've made or bought.
 
 
I was the same. I loved Mother's Day and would always racked my brains, thinking of something special I could get for mum. My favourites were those 'unusual' ornaments I would buy her. Despite the fact that I'm sure most of them were horrendous, she always displayed them on her shelves.
 
 
This year, although I'm still excited about celebrating Mother's Day with her, I know she will no longer get excited by any gifts I give her. I will get her a lovely bunch of flowers, to look at whilst she lies in her bed, and some delicious chocolates for her to taste.
 
 
I shall sit by her bed and hold her hand and hope that she knows who I am, that I'm her daughter who loves her so very much. I know she still loves me, there's still that connection between us, and I hope that that little part bit of her brain lives on, right to the end.
 
 
Mum can no longer smile, or laugh. She no longer hums or dances. She can't talk to me, tell me how she feels, or ask me how my day has gone. We can no longer plan our little adventures together. She is reliant on others for everything, when once, she was the one we relied on.
 
 
My mum has been the biggest inspiration in my life, from being very little I knew just how special she was. We have always had such a close bond, and it's that closeness that has made me such a strong, resilient woman. I've learnt from the best.
 
 
She is the one who showed me how to be a good mum, and I tell her that every time I see her. I tell her how much she means to me, and all the good things she has taught me.
 
 
When I hold her hand, she holds me tight, like a big hug. I know I've said goodbye to the mum I knew, and for that I'm very, very sad. But you know something, I love my new mum, just as much.
 
 
 
Bye for now,
 
 
 
Ada :) xxx
 
 
 
 
 

 

40 comments:

  1. What a beautiful post. It is so sad to lose someone before they have gone but so wonderful that your bond is not broken and you have so much love to give and surround eachother. All my love to you this Mothers day x

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  2. Oh Ada this is such a beautifully written post, I'm shedding a few tears as I'm typing this. My mother-in-law had Alzheimer's too so I know how difficult it can be at times.
    What a wonderful lady your Mum is, and in turn has produced a wonderful daughter too. You are so lucky to have each other and to still have such a special loving relationship.
    Thank you for sharing this special and personal part of your life. Take care of you too. X

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  3. Your post warmed my heart and made me smile. What are wonderful mum she sounds and how lucky you are to have such a close bond :)

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  4. I visit and feed an old lady in hospital with Alzheimer's every day. It is hard as she no longer knows how to eat and forgets to swallow but will spit it out. She is not a relative but I am very fond of her. She is still with a personality, despite her absolute confusion and that is something that I noticed about all the patients with dementia on the ward. One lady is still very funny and has a great deal of warmth and tells her family how much she loves them every day and thanks them for caring for her. Often she forgets who they are and they tell her, they have all bought me to tears before now, they are so loving yet so normal while being a family in abnormal circumstances. There is so much love there.

    My lady is gentle and confused and yet stubborn enough to kick back as she always was and we are pleased to see that side of her still there. She remembers nothing from minute to minute. She speaks but little makes sense. But she is still gracious, often calming and a special lady indeed. Sometimes she hits out when she is frightened. She is very ill right now but under her fragility she is strong. She has no children but she has people who care and want the best for her. She is now unable to walk and forgets how to eat and drink; her speech is usually confused and she recognises no one but knows we are 'hers' and responds well to those of us that visit her. We want her to get out of hospital so she has some happy times again doing the gentle things she liked so much - looking out the window, listening to music and stroking her dog again. She is no longer allowed to live at home as she has no relatives to care for her 24 hour a day needs. What is sad is not the lady herself, so much as the lack of care and understanding given to her by people who should know better. It is quite astonishing the lack of professionalism shown by hospital staff who seem in most cases not to realise that patients with Alzheimer's do not remember what you said five minutes ago, let alone yesterday and that you really need to be gentle and not brusque and therefore frightening for them. The care of the elderly is shocking in it level of nonchalant care. I have seen it twice now. For those who have no visitors then they may as well be invisible and other visitors often step in when they are ignored when they need help.

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    1. How lucky she is to have you visit her :) x

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  5. Ada……
    I hug you so tight….
    xxxxxxxx Ale

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  6. Thinking of you and your dear mum Ada, sending much love your way xxx

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  7. Tears are rolling down my face Ada ... a beautiful, touching tribute to your lovely Mum xxx

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  8. A very moving post. Big loves x

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  9. I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day. Hugs, Debbie. xx

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  10. Your words made me cry, sending you and your Mum much love. xx

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  11. A lovely post, I still miss my Mum after nearly 10 years.

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  12. A thoughtful, loving post, Ada, thank you, C x

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  13. so very heartfelt! you are wonderful xxxx

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  14. Sending hugs to you both... I'm always a little sad for the children I was unable to have on Mother's Day...

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  15. A lovely post! Love to you on Sunday as a mother and a daughter.

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  16. such a thought-provoking post Ada. My Gran has Alzheimers and for the first time last week she didn't recognise me, or even remember she had a granddaughter (though she remembered her cat). It was really hard. But like you say, when you love someone and they have done so much for you, you still love them so much.

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    1. It's really hard when you first realise they don't know you, take care xxx

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  17. In packing up my parents' home, I came across ALL those special gifts that we gave to our parents over so many years. Little gifts of love and admiration. I don't think Mom threw anything out that was a gift. To her it was a reminder of the person who loved her. Your post has brought back both heartache and happiness Ada. It's a difficult thing to watch your parent slip away like this (as you know my dad is suffering the same way). But the fact that you can still convey your love to your mother, and those hand squeezes show she still is aware of your love for her, is the best we can take away from this. Happy Mother's Day to both of you :) Wendy xox

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    1. Big hug, they still look the same but they aren't, eventually you get your head around it but its difficult xxx

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  18. What a lovely, moving post. As we face the surgery my Mom has to have, I will keep this post in my thoughts. To remind myself that no matter what the results, she will still be my Mom and she stills loves me. Sending you hugs and loving thoughts.

    Hugs,
    Sharon

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    1. I hope your mum recovers quickly from her op xxx

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  19. doesn't that photograph speak...a lifetime of love captured in a second x

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  20. A wonderful way to reflect on your love of your Mum and the way that you love her. I hope that you have a good mothers day and that you enjoy spending some time with your own children too. xx

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  21. I am so touched by your post, you are so caring of your dear Mum, it must be heart breaking for you, my thoughts are with you, I have no Mum to celebrate with but 2 daughters who will want to share my day, it is not the same though for me now

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  22. Beautiful post
    Julie xxxxxxxxxxx

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  23. Tears in My eyes.
    My mum is in the beginning of the Alzheimer proces, i know what is comming....
    Thanks your lovely post.
    Greetings from Holland, Katrien.

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    1. It happens gradually, try and get all the support you can and don't try and do it on your own, big hug xxx

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  24. Reading your blog made me a little sad, its not fair to have to see a parent change from that strong shoulder to cry on to someone taken down by illness.i love your positive outlook and how you cherish everyday with mum, as I hope I did with my dad who died of cancer 9 yrs ago.

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  25. Oh Ada, what a very moving post. You have brought me to tears dear. How very lucky you are to have such a special Mum and to have been given the gift of this loving and close bond between you. She sounds like such a wonderful and inspirational woman, and it seems that you have so much to be grateful for to have had her pave the way for your future even when now she has so little control over her own life. How wonderful a daughter you are to her to be there for her always and to love her so unconditionally. I am still sobbing!! xoxo

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  26. What a beautiful heart felt post .Thank you for sharing it has made me one again realise how lucky I am.what a lucky pair you are to have each other .Hugs and best wishes

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  27. Thank you all so much for your lovely supportive comments, they really do help :) xxx

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  28. Hugs to you lovely Ada. Mother's Day can be a difficult time. But so good to remember all those beautiful happy times and what our Mum's mean to us. I miss my Mum so much xxxx

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  29. Ah how touching and beautiful post, a big hug to you Ada, really lovely!:)

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  30. This made me cry Ada. It must be so heartbreaking yet you really have such a special relationship with your Mum, even with her illness, and you are both just so lucky to have each other. Mel xxx

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