Over the last few years I've experienced a huge amount of loss. It's certainly been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Whilst I wish for this year to be a little calmer, I'm a realist, and that is unlikely to be the case!
I ended the year feeling extremely exhausted, so much so that I visited the my doctor, who then proceeded to tell me I was depressed. I didn't argue, I was too exhausted and came away with a little packet of pills to 'help' me through. I took these for a few days, but realised that it wasn't really what I needed.
Now I know some of you reading this will think, poor girl, she's in denial.....and I know for some people anti depressants are very much needed. They correct a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected, if we broke our leg, we would get it fixed, wouldn't we? There is nothing wrong with taking any medication, if it's needed.
But I know me, I'm very self aware, and I'm emotionally intelligent. I was wrung out, I'd been through a huge emotional time, supporting my Mum as she was dying. I was/am the carer to my very needy family, even though I am trying to manage my Multiple Sclerosis. I was suppressing my own needs. This is not good. When so many people need you, the last thing you should do is neglect your own needs!
So over the last few weeks I've begun to be more assertive. And it feels good. I feel more like the woman I was before my life turned upside down. It's never going to be easy caring for my family, it's complex, and never straight forward. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure that will ever change.
But one thing that I can change is me, my approach to the cards I've been dealt. And so my word for 2015 is........FUN!
I take my responsibilities as I parent very seriously, but I also have a duty to myself. So this year I'm determined to pepper it with Fun. Little moments where I get to laugh and loose myself in that laughter. Not to forget those who rely on me, but so I can carry out my role better.
So I'm going to have more Fun......have you something you want to achieve, a word that shouts out for you in 2015? I'd love to hear.
Thank you all for your very lovely and generous welcome back, I'm glad I've decided to return.
I will be back soon, with a bit of goal setting for 2015. Not heavy goal setting you understand.....but realistic, Fun goals!
A Very Happy Fun-Filled New Year Everyone!
Amanda :) xxx
(One of which will include Liberty fabric!) xxx