Thursday 1 January 2015

My Word For 2015.......

 
 
 
 
Over the last few years I've experienced a huge amount of loss. It's certainly been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Whilst I wish for this year to be a little calmer, I'm a realist, and that is unlikely to be the case!
 

 

 
 
I ended the year feeling extremely exhausted, so much so that I visited the my doctor, who then proceeded to tell me I was depressed. I didn't argue, I was too exhausted and came away with a little packet of pills to 'help' me through. I took these for a few days, but realised that it wasn't really what I needed.
 
 
 
 
 
Now I know some of you reading this will think, poor girl, she's in denial.....and I know for some people anti depressants are very much needed. They correct a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected, if we broke our leg, we would get it fixed, wouldn't we? There is nothing wrong with taking any medication, if it's needed.
 
But I know me, I'm very self aware, and I'm emotionally intelligent. I was wrung out, I'd been through a huge emotional time, supporting my Mum as she was dying. I was/am the carer to my very needy family, even though I am trying to manage my Multiple Sclerosis. I was suppressing my own needs. This is not good. When so many people need you, the last thing you should do is neglect your own needs!
 
So over the last few weeks I've begun to be more assertive. And it feels good. I feel more like the woman I was before my life turned upside down. It's never going to be easy caring for my family, it's complex, and never straight forward. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure that will ever change.
 
 
 
 
 
But one thing that I can change is me, my approach to the cards I've been dealt. And so my word for 2015 is........FUN!
 
I take my responsibilities as I parent very seriously, but I also have a duty to myself. So this year I'm determined to pepper it with Fun. Little moments where I get to laugh and loose myself in that laughter. Not to forget those who rely on me, but so I can carry out my role better.
 
So I'm going to have more Fun......have you something you want to achieve, a word that shouts out for you in 2015? I'd love to hear.
 
 
Thank you all for your very lovely and generous welcome back, I'm glad I've decided to return.
 
 
I will be back soon, with a bit of goal setting for 2015. Not heavy goal setting you understand.....but realistic, Fun goals!
 
 
A Very Happy Fun-Filled New Year Everyone!
 
 
 
 
Amanda :) xxx
 
(One of which will include Liberty fabric!) xxx
 
 
 
 
 

 

30 comments:

  1. I am with you all the way, I aim to Have Some More Fun and to kick start this I have just ordered some lightweight thin wadding to play with. I am going to try some crazy quilting and experiment. I will be laughing with you.

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  2. If you lived nearer I would tell you to call in for a cuppa and a chat.. I loved this post, thank you for sharing....that could not have been easy. As women we always tend to put other peoples needs before our own..........in the long term it is no good for anyone. I have been thinking of setting myself some goals for the year. I never make resolutions as I can never keep them. But this year I feel it may be different. Take care. Elaina xo

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  3. P.S......drooling over that Liberty stash! xo

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  4. I just found your blog through Instagram and I'm so happy I found it ... I love it and I'm ready to have some fun with you this year :)
    I'm so sorry you had so many losses this last year. I cannot even imagine how you feel loosing your mom. I lost my dad 5 years ago and sometimes it feels like it was yesterday. I hope you start to recuperate soon and that life brings you joy this 2015. Happy New Year to you

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  5. Good luck and have fun. Funnily enough I was thinking yesterday I need to start thinking of my needs a bit more and fun and being with people who make me laugh was part of it. Here's to an enjoyable 2015 with lots of laughter sprinkled through the tough bits. X

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  6. Morning, I am glad you feel able to share these thoughts. Many people are given antidepressants but no 'talking therapy' which is needed too. You fortunately can see what is going on and are able to help yourself. I too am a carer for my daughter who will be 30 this year and has had severe ME for 15 years. I was lost for some time, I felt guilty if I went out or did things for me, but have now joined a local carers group, not my thing, but it makes me have time for me. I also took up crochet and would run upstairs to show her what I had created. I hope your goals are achievable and that you don't make them too daunting for yourself. I wish you luck and look forward to seeing you grow this year.

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  7. Glad to see you back in blog land Amanda. Wishing you and your family a very Happy and fun filled New Year :0) xx

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  8. I was also given anti-depressants last year when life just seemed to overwhelm me - I won't bore you with the medical details, but suffice to say it was one darned thing, quite serious things too, after another and sometimes you just get too full up of stuff that makes you feel the universe is against you. But, after taking just one, the side effects were horrendous and scary, and I decided that was it. If anyone was going to sort me out, it was me. I take a whole load of drugs anyway, who needs more? It was time to sort out the dross in my life, cut adrift those who were dragging me down mentally, be more self-sufficient physically and mentally (it's sometimes easier just to let someone else, ie my husband, take the strain), get more fresh air in my lungs, and not be hard on myself when I am too poorly to do much more than snooze, craft and read - not all at the same time you understand!
    So my word for this year would probably be .... accept. As in, my limitations, my life as it is now. I shall enjoy it too.

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  9. Looking forward to reading about your FUN this year!!!! So glad you are back. Xx

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  10. I remember being told during a time when there were so many outside pressures that I was like a jug (bear with me here!) Everyone was demanding a drink from this jug but before long there was nothing left to 'pour'. I had to find a way to 'refill' in order to be able to carry on. This allowed me to give myself permission to step back and find a way to rebalance myself. Instead of this feeling indulgent it felt purposeful - necessary even. It sounds to me like you're at this stage and have decided how you are going to move forward - and 'fun' sounds as good a way as any! I was also given anti depressants - the first lot didn't work but the second ones did - not in any mind blowing 'hey I feel invincible' way - but in a way that helped me feel like myself again (and let's face it that feeling of 'self' can be easily buried so deep it'can be difficult to find ) Here's to a positive and fulfilling 2015 x Jane

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  11. I love your word for the year! I'm afraid I always have fun, but my word this year is brave, because I need to step out a bit at a time and stop being afraid.

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  12. I think that after the year that you had last year some fun is definitely warranted in your life in 2015. Quite a lot of fun in fact, so I really hope that you find it. The thoughts you shared about the pills are so very right. For some they are exactly what is needed, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but equally, they are not what is needed for others and it is then just as right to not take them. You know yourself very well I can tell and so I hope that focussing on the fun can help turn things around and move you onwards in your life journey this year. So very well said of you. xx

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  13. Hi Amanda, fun is a great word and a great ambition. I think I have also got a bit lost since coming home from st Helena. The path I thought would be right for me definitely isn't so I have some rethinking to do. I have high hopes for 2015 though. Good luck with the fun! xx

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  14. Lovely, lovely, lovely to see you are back again,. So sorry you have been unwell, I have had experience of that myself and know how awful it can be. Jolly gd luck with FUN, and also big hugs are here when you need a bit of silent screaming time - family caring can been very hard. LynnexxxxxxxxxxxPS I have thought of you for so long as Ada Bea I can hardly get used to you as Amanda! xxx

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  15. Dear Ada,

    I'm so very delighted to see you back too! Yippee! It feels right seeing your blogposts appearing in my newsfeed. I wish you so much peace and FUN this year, Ada. As the children grow up - the youngest turning 5 end of January - I feel myself letting loose more and more and relaxing into laughter again. It feels so good to giggle and be childish again.

    Warmest hugs to you from France,

    Stephanie

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  16. Hi Wishing you only the very best for 2015 and the future in general.As I read this post I smiled as it could have been me talking.Hugs xx

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  17. I'm so glad that you are back!! Last year was a hard year and I lost my only sibling. Do take time for you and find a way/place to renew yourself. I do that by being alone and just listening to the quiet. Each of us has to find that special place. I think a lot of people will agree that you are special and you have to grieve but also have time for you. Bless you!!

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  18. Hi Amanda!

    Lovely to see you here again. I've missed you!

    Sorry 2014 was a tough one for you. Here's hoping 2015 will be a good one :-)

    Love your Liberty fabrics.

    Mia

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  19. 'Fun' is a great word. Permission to enjoy your life and make it work for you too. Sorry you have been feeling so exhausted with everything. It's a lot to deal with. This sounds positive though. Fun can be very easy and relaxing too! Take care now, Heather X

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  20. Personally I think pills just mask the problem instead of sorting it out - I think FUN AND LAUGHTER is the way to go . I've followed your blog for a while and I know life can be crap but you can get through this - sending hugs your way.

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  21. Nice to see you back. I love Liberty fabrics too. Last top I made was "Isle of Wight" print and I've just bought some more fabric to make another top. This one is called "London Transport". Very floral with line drawings of buses and bikes etc. Hope you feel better soon.

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  22. Good for you!!! While I did need medication after my Mom died, I totally understand not taking it if you know yourself well enough to know that's not what is going to help. Bravo for standing up and for making a decision to enjoy life.
    Hugs, Sharon

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  23. Hi Ada ! It's lovely to see you back :) Sometimes the meds can take the edge off (regardless of the root cause) just enough for us to restart a bit.
    I really wish for a fun-filled and joyful year ahead for you. I often feel sorry for my lot, part of which is my sons autism, and this year I want to try for our family not to feel weighed down by that. Onwards and upwards!
    Jill

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  24. Fun is a very good word. Making time for yourself is very important and will set you on the right track!
    Happy New Year.
    Jacqui xx

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  25. Fun sounds like fun to me, do hope the depression goes but as you say it is not a chemical imbalance but due to circumstances, I too suffer so know how you feel, all the best Ada for 2015

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  26. Fun is a good word. I think we could all do with a bit more fun in the World at the moment. My word for 2015 is serenity as I try to come to terms with things I can't control. I hope 2015 is one of fun and good fortune for you. x

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  27. Fun thats a top word, it's hard to be everything to everyone, unless you make time for you too, I'm terrible for not doing that and with ME I find it so hard to say No without feeling guilty or to rest when so much needs doing, so that's my plan for this year, to live a life with happiness, love and laughter and not feel guilty for things I'm unable to change. Wishing you a Fun filled year.
    Clare xx

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  28. Hello and Happy New Year. I have only just found your blog and photos on Instagram.
    Which are beautiful.
    I quite identify with your situation and am also going to try and carve a bit more me time and fun this year.
    Wishing you health and happiness and my best wishes.
    Debbie

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  29. Hi Amanda
    My words for 2015 are "Face the fear". I am writing a post about it... It is time to stop letting fear lead my life. I like your word too. I should include that and rephrase it to 'Face the fear and have more fun!" I like that!c :) Welcome back my dear.
    Xxx
    Annette

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  30. Very wise words lovely lady - and the perfect word for you. So important to look after yourself and tend to your own needs - and it's not selfish at all, it's essential. I hope you have a fun filled year! xxx

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